Stuck
by Rinny Queenston
Summary: Allen gets stuck in a window when trying to escape a formal dinner. Highjinks ensue. Modern AU.


_AN: Why do I keep writing stuff like this and why do I think it's a problem..._

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Link was suffocating to be around recently, and Allen couldn't handle it anymore. He was rather fine with having a shadow (in fact, he had two), as long as it meant he could walk free as an innocent, but now Link was acting like a portable prison and Allen couldn't tell if it was because of recent orders or because Link himself was getting clingy. Even at dinner, which he had to attend with a few higher members of the Order, Link was sitting close enough for their legs to touch, and despite Allen's attempts to shuffle closer to Komui, Link seemed eager to make up the distance. Allen knew the only reason he himself was even attending the dinner was so all the higher-ups could see him for themselves, and that only made it worse. Link didn't need to watch him so closely if a whole room of people already were. Granted, the food was good at the restaurant, and the private room screamed professionalism and fanciness, but mostly it made Allen uncomfortable, even more so than the shady places he ate at with Cross when he was still under his wing.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of too-small portions, Link got caught up in conversation with the inspector, who was asking too loudly what Link and Allen had been up to recently. The way the inspector was talking was as though he were trying to sound innocent, and only asking as though he were an older relative asking his nephews about their lives, but the tone he used sounded suspicious to even the most ignorant of eavesdroppers, and Allen knew his intentions were all but pure.

With Link distracted, however, Allen realized he had a chance to sneak off. Excusing himself quietly to Komui, he casually stood, and though Link jumped at the movement, Allen only nodded and said he was going to the bathroom, which immediately calmed Link down. Sighing when he got away from the table, he strode into the men's bathroom and rested his arms against the sink, taking a deep breath as he was finally alone and allowed to have breathing room. Looking up at his reflection in the mirror he huffed, puffing up his cheeks as some sort of weird human habit of seeing their reflection mirror their movements. In the corner of the reflection he saw a rectangle on the wall, and he spun to face it.

It was a window! Yes! He could escape! He couldn't take Link's shadowing anymore, nor the inspector's intrusive eyes from across the dinner table. Plus, he was starving! The tiny portions here were barely snacks, and though he knew there were thirteen of them coming he wouldn't be able to stand waiting for them with his current company.

Scurrying to the window, he hopped up, grabbing the windowsill and easily pulling himself up, opening the window and putting his arms and head through it. It was a good distance off the ground, but he figured even if he didn't land on his feet when he jumped out, being a little bruised would be nothing compared to the torment the inspector and Link would put him through. Not to mention the others that would be silently looking on and jotting down ridiculous stories about him and his reactions. Quite proud of himself, he tried to pull himself through the window, though when his hips caught his face paled. Oh no.

Wriggling to try and dislodge his hips in the window, he realized that he was jammed. Swearing softly under his breath, he then tried to pull his body back through to be inside instead, but when he pulled his hips were still caught dead in the center, and he had nothing to grip despite his legs pushing on the bathroom wall. When had his hips been so large? Or maybe it was the window? Had he put on mass without realizing? He couldn't debate this now, though, he had to get out of there! Of course, he could do little else than kick his legs like a child and push with his arms against the building to pull himself through, the ridge of the window's frame digging into his hips, and the edge of the windowsill pressing into his thighs, then there was the other part of the window frame trying to go into his back as he arched it back for better leverage. Clenching his teeth, he pushed until it was painful, a breathless wheeze leaving his lips until he went limp, still having to support himself from below with his arms so he wouldn't sag. Catching his breath, he frowned and whined. If they caught him like this, they'd be furious and he'd be in so much trouble! He couldn't deal with that.

Trying to figure out how he was going to get himself through, and preparing to just force himself out, he noticed a dull murmur in the distance and growing closer. Freezing, he stared out into the dark courtyard until he saw the trademark red hair of Lavi, speaking loudly as he seemed to be powerwalking. It was another moment before Allen saw Kanda in front of the redhead, blending into the darkness with his black hair and black clothes, and he seemed to be hurrying as well, though the look on his face said he was trying to escape Lavi's presence. Allen could've almost cried. It'd been almost two weeks since he'd spoken to anyone, really.

Flailing his legs a little bit out of excitement, Allen waved to catch the young men's attention. "Guys! Help me!" he hissed, trying not to alert the powerful members of the order inside.

Kanda and Lavi both froze mid-step, one of Lavi's feet frozen four inches above the ground. Kanda's mouth was dropped, his eyebrows uneven and his eyes reading only disbelief. Lavi behind him was caught in the halfway point between hysterical laughter and being shocked into silence; his jaw was hanging open and his one eye wide enough to see the universe, probably, but when a quiet squeak of laughter escaped his mouth and then erupted in a full-blown scream of laughter, Allen could hardly resist to smack himself in the face. These were his friends, but he wasn't sure if he trusted them to help him escape anymore.

Lavi practically waltzed over, Kanda shadowing the bookman apprentice until they were just under the window. Lavi was still smiling all-too widely, though he was starting to smirk as he saw that Allen was pretty well wedged in the window.

"Sup, fatass?" Lavi jeered, fighting back chuckles that were starting to turn his cheeks red. Even Kanda was smiling!

"Lavi, please help me," Allen practically whimpered, squirming more in the window. "I was at dinner with the inspector and I can't take it anymore! I tried to sneak out but I'm stuck. Pleeeease, Lavi, Kanda, help me?"

Kanda stepped forward, and Allen felt tears rush to his eyes in relief. Yes! Kanda liked him! He was going to- dammit. His jaw dropped when he saw Kanda pull out his phone and hold it up, taking pictures of Allen while he wore the softest of smirks on his face.

Allen looked to Lavi, "Lavi, please!"

Lavi then pulled out _his_ phone, and turned around, taking an obvious selfie of himself, with Kanda and Allen in the frame from what Allen could see of his screen. Unbelievable! Lavi was doing something with his phone after he got a good selfie, and Kanda was also doing something with the photos, both all too happy with themselves.

"Guys, this is serious! If Link catches me here I'll be _dead_!"

"Sounds like a personal problem," Lavi said with too much lilt in his voice, finishing whatever he was doing and putting his phone in his pocket. "Sorry, Allen, but Kanda and I have a date with a special someone named Starbucks~"

"Laviiiii!"

"Bye, sweetie!" Lavi smiled, grabbing Kanda and towing him off despite Kanda's stumbling and attempts to throw the redhead off.

As they disappeared into the darkness away from the lights of the restaurant's windows, Allen was able to hear Kanda's low voice mumble 'don't touch me' before they were gone. Being alone again, Allen whimpered and slumped. When he felt something touch the back of his head, however, he sprung back up, eyes widening as he saw a little golden creature flying just in front of him.

"Tim!" Allen cried, reaching out with one arm to hug the little golem to his face, using his free arm to support himself. "Thank goodness! I was thinking nobody would ever help me!" Releasing Timcanpy, Allen smiled hopefully. "You can help me, right? Pull me out of here?"

Timcanpy hovered for a moment like it was thinking, it then grew in size, showing its grotesque teeth as it took Allen's arm in its mouth, much to the man's horror as Timcanpy began to pull.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Allen whined as not only was his arm being pulled awkwardly, but the windowsill was tightly scraping across his hip, scratching the skin that peeked through when his shirt pulled up.

Giving up, the golem released Allen and shrunk back to its normal size, fluttering about as if apologizing, and Allen only quietly sighed.

"Well, my life is over…" he mused to himself, frowning as Timcanpy rose and fell as though to nod in agreement. "Thanks for the support," he added dryly, dipping his head as he stared at the ground in thought. "How on earth am I gonna explain this…" he looked up to Timcanpy. "Can I say that you were outside and I was trying to catch you?" He thought he saw the golem nod again, and so he tried to give the creature a smile. "Thanks, Tim."

Suddenly hearing a soft crash, Allen's hand slipped out from under him, his upper body pitching forward as his gloved hands scraped at the wall in a desperate attempt to balance himself again, legs uselessly scrambling to find any purchase, though they found none. When he had finally caught himself, Allen looked up and saw Lenalee rushing over, worry evident on her face, though not without a slight bit of confusion and even more amusement. She was wearing her dark boots, though they then retracted back into her anklets as she ran, stopping just before he window as she looked up at Allen.

"What happened to you?" was her first question. "I saw Kanda's snapchat and I hurried over! I was nearby getting lunch with Miranda and Alistair… so… why are you stuck in a window?"

Allen huffed, but tried to keep his composure. "I was at dinner with the higher ups but I… tried to sneak out…" Allen slumped, "Kanda and Lavi came by but…" he forced his eyes to tear up, "they _abandoned_ me!"

Knowing that'd hit Lenalee's heartstrings, he had to hold back a smile when she looked so _heartbroken_. She immediately pulled her hands up by her mouth, eyes wide as she quietly whispered out an 'ohno!'

"Don't worry, Allen, I'll get you down!" she said, looking around the wall to find something to grab onto before she hopped up, gripping onto the windowsill as she planted her feet firmly against the wall. And though Allen voiced his hesitation, she grabbed his arms and pulled back, using the tautness of their grip and her pulling to keep her feet on the wall. Despite her pulling, however, nothing changed except for what Allen figured to be scratch going along his lower stomach, and putting a terrible strain on his shoulders.

"Okay, okay! I'm not moving!" Allen whined, and Lenalee stopped her pulling, dropping down to the ground below, though she kept a hold of Allen's fingers, as though for support.

"Ah, I'm sorry, Allen! Did I hurt you?"

Allen smiled for her. "Not any more than what I already did trying to get out, don't worry."

"Oh, Allen!" Lenalee huffed, bouncing on her feet. She was obviously stressed by now. "How are we gonna…"

"We got the answer!" Allen suddenly heard Lavi yell, tensing up against the loud voice as he twisted to see the redhead come marching towards them, holding up a shopping bag from what appeared to be a Walmart, and in his other hand a cup from what seemed to be from a Starbucks. "We butter 'im up like the shrimp he is!"

"I'm almost as tall as you, Lavi!" Allen pouted, slumping back as Lenalee let go of his fingers.

Kanda was surprisingly walking beside, yet slightly behind, Lavi, texting lazily on his phone while he also had a Starbucks drink in his hand, much more moderately sized than Lavi's cup.

Lenalee looked at the bags in fear. "You have… butter? How much?"

"We cleaned off the shelf!" Lavi stated proudly, "Whatever we don't use, we'll use for like… pancakes or something."

"Gross," was all Kanda said as he walked past, brushing past Lenalee, though he stopped and turned around next to her, putting his phone away then. "Let's just hurry and get out of here. I don't want to be tried for treason for helping beansprout through a window."

"Just hurry," Allen whimpered, starting to feel anxious about not knowing who could walk in and just see him hanging halfway out a window.

"Don't worry, don't worry!" Lavi wagged his finger, "We'll get you out before your date finds you."

Lenalee turned around a bit, scuttling off hurriedly. "I'll get something we can stand on, hold on."

She came back with a milk crate very shortly, placing it on the ground under the window, and she helped Lavi get the tins of butter out of the bag, cracking the lids and pulling off the seal before they looked up at Kanda, who stood just away from them, sipping the straw of his drink.

"Wanna help?" Lavi asked Kanda suddenly.

"Nah," was all Kanda had to say.

Leaving him to it, Lenalee saying he can 'keep watch', they dove their hands into the tins of butter, rubbing their hands to warm it and get it slippery, and then they took turns hopping up on the milk crate. Allen whined at the prospect of what was about to come, but he just covered his face with his free hand and dealt with it as he felt his shirt be pulled away from his hips and very cold hands brush over his skin.

Shuddering against the chills, Allen wriggled and whined, his legs subconsciously pulling together behind the wall as the greased up fingers jammed under the window frame and prodded under the hem of his jeans.

"Don't become doctors," Allen could only breathe out, trying to smile despite how uncomfortable he suddenly was. His joke earned a hearty laugh from Lavi, a giggle from Lenalee, and not a grimace or glare from Kanda, so that was good.

After a few moments of smearing the butter along Allen's hips, the two hopped down and Lavi produced some napkins and some dry soap from the shopping bag, wiping their hands clean before they got ready to try and pull Allen out.

"I got it," Kanda pushed past Lenalee, climbing onto the milk crate to grab Allen's hand, Lavi having to repel himself up using Allen's other hand, the boy groaning as it pulled on him again, though when he felt himself budge his eyes lit up with hope.

"I-I think I can get out this time, guys, please don't leave me again…"

Lavi laughed at the expression of fear Allen had, though he lightly patted his shoulder awkwardly. "Don't worry, we'll get you out of there. That's what friends are for, _right, Yuu?_ " He turned and shot a cheesy grin at the Kanda, who had a very grumpy expression on his face right then.

"Just pull him out so I can go home."

"Alright!"

As Lenalee hopped around on her feet, Lavi had a hold on Allen's arms and Kanda was grabbing Allen's waist to avoid hurting Allen's shoulders, counting down slowly to give Allen time to hold his breath. Timcanpy hovered around Lenalee as they watched Kanda and Lavi begin to pull, Allen whining as he squirmed to dislodge his hips, and Lavi groaning loudly just for the show of it.

With what could've been an audible 'pop', Allen fell from the window and on top of Kanda, Lavi toppling over as well, but managed to avoid Allen as he fell down. They lay crumpled on the ground, Allen trying to register what had happened and flexing his legs just to make sure they came out with him. Something was wrong, however, and as Kanda shoved him off of him, he noticed his very pale legs were bare when they had been dressed in black trousers only a second before. Just as he noticed it he heard Lavi buckle over with laughter, and Lenalee giggle in hysterics while Kanda tried _very_ hard to keep his face straight and keep himself quiet, though he was failing miserably at it.

Grateful just to be out, Allen sighed happily and tried to stand, wobbling just slightly once he was on his feet, though when he felt the still-smeared butter on him start to run he shuddered and writhed, grabbing his shirt and pressing it to his sides to stop the feeling.

Kanda and Lavi stood as well, and they all looked up to see if Allen's pants were within reach, Lenalee prepping to hop up and snatch them from inside if they were within arm's length of the window, but as they all turned their heads up they heard the bathroom door open, and before the squeak of the door could even finish sounding Allen was sprinting away, his pants long forgotten along with his dignity.

The others were behind him in an instant, and over the sounds of them breathing, trying to muffle their laughter, and the sound of all their feet hitting the pavement, they heard the very gruff and low voice of Lvellie calling after them.

"Walker..!" he heard the man almost scream, and Allen pushed his legs harder than he ever had in the past, and somehow, they made it away, hiding in a random building that was full of pumping music, a crowd by the door allowing them to slip in without being spotted.

They waited for a moment, all huddled together against the wall next to the window, hoping the tinted windows and low lighting of the establishment would hide them. As an added precaution, however, Lavi went ahead and threw his scarf over Allen's head, hiding his white hair as well as the red fabric could. They waited a few moments, and the cluster of people by the front door slowly trickled into the building. Both men and women strolling through in late night clothes, short skirts and skinny jeans adorning most of the people.

Allen flickered his eyes about the sidewalk outside before pulling down the scarf, sighing deeply in relief before he handed it back to Lavi.

"Thank you," he almost sighed, feeling beyond relieved he managed to escape… mostly.

"Before you thank me," Lavi started, his lip twitching as he tried to repress a smile, and he pointed down to Allen's lower half, "you should take note of your wardrobe."

Allen looked down at his bare legs then, almost whiter than the rest of him, and he mused to himself about how he managed to get his shoes through the legs of his dress pants. Now he only wore hamburger boxers and his fancy dress shoes along with his dress shirt. He wasn't the least phased, though, until he heard a whistle from within the building.

It suddenly clicked, but he still looked into the depths of the club to see if he was right, and when he saw the figures around the poles and saw the multiples of people sitting around to watch them, dancers both male and female being given unbridled attention from all the club-goers, he could've almost laughed. He looked to Lenalee to see her hands over her mouth, and Kanda holding his head in his hands, and Lavi with his jaw dropped as he stared within the club as well, his one eye the size of the moon as he seemed to spot every woman in the club at that moment.

"Thy heavenly father…" Allen heard him murmur, and he roughly slapped him on the shoulder.

"Don't get weird," he muttered, not at all phased by a place like this. Cross had taken him to worse. "We should get back, I… would like to shower."

Suddenly, he felt someone behind him, and he saw all three pair of eyes look up above his head, and that was when he suddenly felt a hand on his lower back, attempting to tug at his shirt. Swiftly, he snapped his hand back, grabbing the person's hand as he turned his head, putting on the kindest smile he could, all while squeezing the person's wrist with enough force that the feeling would linger for quite some time.

"Excuse me, but if you want to touch me like that you'll have to pay my stripping fee."

Lavi almost screamed, caught between wanting to laugh and being stunned. Kanda's jaw went slack, and Lenalee reeled, but Allen remained firm as the person's eyes widened. The man was definitely a confused customer, thinking the boy with shining, oily legs and hamburger boxers was a stripper, and though Allen wondered why on earth he'd think that, he was mostly too exasperated by the night's events to stand the misunderstanding for long.

However, he didn't expect a small bundle of bills to be held out to him. His eyes widened, locked onto the money, and the gears in his head began to turn. It seemed like a good amount…

Kanda ripping him from the man and out onto the street interrupted his thoughts, stumbling in his attempt to keep his feet on the ground, and as he scrambled to keep up with Kanda's now heated pace, he looked to the taller man with agitation.

"Hey! What was that for?!"

"Don't even pretend like you weren't considering it."

"I was! It was a lot of money!"

"It was twenty dollars!" Lavi cried, literally, with laughter as tears trailed his cheeks.

Lenalee was laughing, too, on the verge of tears. "Allen, if you're that short on cash we could-"

"Don't! He's just a money-hungry whore!" Kanda interjected, not releasing his grip on Allen's arm as he marched along.

Allen pouted. "Don't be mean, Kanda! It's not like I actually get paid!"

"Paid for what? Being a pain in the ass?!"

"If that were the case you'd be loaded!"

Kanda was practically red in the face as he stopped, looking Allen dead in the eyes. "You'd get loaded in the ass for twenty dollars!"

"Rude!" Allen almost screamed, now aggressively swatting at Kanda with his right hand, which Kanda returned with his left.

Lenalee was hunched over, trying to control herself though she was obviously in pain from trying to quiet her laughter, meanwhile Lavi was patting her on the back to try and calm her down, while his own voice trembled as he tried to speak.

"You two are such children!" He laughed, his voice getting louder as Kanda released Allen so they could swat with both their hands. "Honestly!"

"He called me a whore!" Allen whined.

"He _is_ a whore!" Kanda shouted.

"You can discuss Allen's prostitution problem back at HQ but for now _let's get off the street, people are staring!_ "

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 _For the record, I love dialogue._


End file.
